


Codependent

by Lobotomite



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Eddie finally realises he's caught feelings, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, excuse the lazy excuse for a title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26373721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lobotomite/pseuds/Lobotomite
Summary: Eddie is not codependent. He's not. It's just that Buck has had other things to do an awful lot, lately, and Eddie really wishes he didn't.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 343





	Codependent

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt: Buck finds himself by his lonesome with everyone ducking off to do their own thing. Buck decides to try out new things and meet new people. He winds up volunteering for a children's physical therapy center, where the kids and parents absolutely adore him. Eddie gets curious as to what takes up Buck's time and when he finds out, it's the thing that tips him over into falling weeping and irrevocably in love with his best friend.
> 
> I wound up changing a few things because my brain doesn't take direction very well, but I hope this is a decent read, anyway. :)

Eddie is not codependent. He's not. Yeah, their friends make jokes all the time about his and Buck's close relationship, about how they spend a lot of time together - "you two are more married than I am," Hen has informed them more than once - but they're just that: jokes. Buck is his best friend and one of Christopher's favorite people, and he doesn't mind that time spent with Eddie means doing child-friendly things and watching the same movie 500 times, so of course they spend a lot of time together. It's not like they spend _all_ of their time together - sometimes Eddie has things to do that Buck wouldn't be interested in, and it's not like Eddie would be upset if Buck had things to do other than hang out with Eddie and his nine-year-old.

Except- well. It's just that Buck has had other things to do an awful lot, lately. 

Which is _fine_ , he knows Buck has a life of his own, he's not gonna be that asshole who insists Buck not have a life so he can be at Eddie's beck and call, and even though sometimes he feels like joining Chris in a pout when Buck begs off hanging out, he's aware that Buck still spends more time with Eddie than with anyone else. 

It wouldn't be a problem at all even, he wouldn't give it a second thought, if it wasn't that it had been happening a lot more often lately, and Buck always shies away from actually telling Eddie what it is he's doing instead. He doesn't know what Buck would say if Eddie pressed him for an answer, because he hasn't been willing to be that person, but it's getting harder and harder to bite his tongue because this reluctance makes him think it might be something that Buck knows Eddie would disapprove of and... he can't help but think of Abby.

Which is stupid. Hell, it's _beyond_ stupid - he knows Buck has self-esteem issues, but even he surely wouldn't go back to _her_ , after the way she treated him. Not that it actually makes a difference if Buck theoretically would have, because Eddie knows for a fact that Abby is married now (okay, yes, he does the occasional light Facebook-stalk of his best friend's ex to make sure she's staying away. It's not codependent, he just needs to know. For reasons) and Buck cheating with anyone is an impossibility. But for the life of him, he can't think of any other reason Buck would be so reluctant to tell him what's going on.

Okay, so he can think of _one_ other reason. But Buck can't have noticed the not-entirely-heterosexual feelings that have been sparking under Eddie's skin for a while now; Buck is a lot of things, most of them wonderful, but capable of hiding his feelings, he is not. If he was trying to make some distance between them because he'd finally felt the heat in Eddie's gaze and was uncomfortable about it, there was no way he would be able to keep up their normal dynamic during the still-frequent times they spend together (they do still work full shifts with each other, after all, and time outside of work as well, it's not as if Buck is giving him the cold shoulder.)

So when Buck says he has something on after Eddie invites him to a day out with him and Chris, he bites his tongue, swallows down the rejection he shouldn't be feeling, and when the time comes, heads out to spend some time with his son. He's recently looked into a kid-focused rec center that Chris mentioned some of his friends had gone to, and he's heard good things about it's accessibility as well as the staff's interactions with the kids. He would have liked to bring Buck along the first time as a second opinion, but Chris has been pushing and the parents he's talked to have sung the place's praises, so he finally caves and takes an overly-excited Chris to check it out. 

When he walks in the door, his chest twinges in sympathy; what looks like one of the youngest kids there has clearly had a fall not far from the door, tears running down his little bright-red face as he screeches the way only little kids who've had a fright do. It doesn't dent his confidence in this place, though, because there's already a volunteer there, crouched next to the screaming kid with a uniform shirt stretched tight across broad shoulders and thick biceps, and- and oh fuck, that's _Buck_ , Buck's muscles straining against a shirt that's not really big enough for him, Buck's hands coming up to carefully tend to his charge.

He admires the view- of _course_ he admires the view, along with probably every other adult in the place. But what really sets his heart racing and his face flushing red is the smile on Buck's face, the gentle way he moves around the tiny kid, and it's only now, watching Buck laugh and accept an enthusiastic hug from a small child who was moments ago in the middle of a wailing fit, that he realizes that the feelings he has for Buck are less strictly-physical-attraction and more stupidly-in-love.

He almost spins on his heels and drags Chris out the door with him, unwilling to face this realization in public and in front of Buck, but he's too slow and Chris has squealed a delighted "Buck!" before he has the chance to get his head together. 

Buck turns immediately - child still cradled in his strong arms, which isn't helping the flustered way his brain isn't cooperating with him at the moment - and breaks into a broad, similarly delighted grin.

"Chris!" He lifts an arm and lets Chris barrel into him, hugging him close and dropping a kiss to the top of his head, and Christ, that's unfair, doesn't he know what that does to him? He can barely get his legs to move, but he does manage to make his way over to where Buck seems to be introducing Chris to the red-faced girl, even though it feels like he's walking through molasses. 

"Hey," he says when he finally gets to Buck. "What're you doing here?"

"I, uh, I volunteer here sometimes," Buck replies, rising to his feet. "I didn't know you guys came here?"

"We don't, usually," Eddie says, thinking vaguely hysterically that everything feels off and a bit ridiculous. He's just realized he's in love with Buck, they shouldn't be making small talk in front of Chris and a strange child. "Some of Chris's friends have recommended it, we thought we'd check it out today. I was going to invite you to check it out, actually, but you, uh... you're already familiar, obviously."

Buck dips his head, glancing down at where Chris and the girl are talking - Eddie has no idea how he ended up with such a personable kid, honestly - and steps away, putting a bit of space between them and the kids when Eddie follows automatically.

"I've, uh, I've been volunteering here for a while," Buck says.

"You've never said anything about it," Eddie says, and he doesn't mean to put any kind of infliction into that statement, he doesn't, but he's pretty sure the hurt comes through pretty clear anyway, with the way Buck flinches and looks away.

"Yeah. I kind of... Well, Frank suggested it, actually. Something I could do that was, like, my own, you know? Something that I had carved out for myself. Something that was just mine. I never said anything about it because the whole point was to... make some space between us, I guess? We do kind of live in each others' pockets," he laughs nervously.

"Bullshit," he snaps without thinking, forgetting for a second they're in a room with plenty of children whose parents would not appreciate the introduction of that particular word into their vocabularies.

"Um..." 

"Look, I'm glad you're getting help from Frank if you think you need it, but this- it's stupid. I don't know what he was thinking when he suggested it. Why on earth would you need to hide part of your life from me? Why would you need to... to force distance between us, if you're fine with being close?" It's only then that it hits him how wrong he might be, and his heart sinks to his gut. "I- unless you aren't? Fu-aah, I didn't- I'm sorry if I've been... too much. I know we can't exactly do the most interesting things, you don't have to feel obligated to come along." He goes to add _I don't mind_ , but doesn't think he's capable of lying convincingly, so instead, he shuts up and tries to swallow down his panic. 

_You realized you're in love with him by watching him leave you behind_ , he thinks bitterly to himself. _Good going, idiot._

"No! No, Eddie, no, I'm not- I _love_ hanging out with you guys," Buck says, convincingly enough that some of the tension around his chest eases. "I- I- I just- I hang out with you guys so much, and sometimes, you know, you're busy and I kind of just. Mope around until you're not. I mean, I don't _mope_ , I just don't really know what to do with myself, and I was talking to Frank about finding a hobby or something and he said- he said maybe I should find something that, that just _I_ do because it sounds like, um. It sounds like we're a little bit... codependent?"

"We're not _codependent_ ," Eddie absolutely doesn't squawk. "We're _friends_ \- friends who work the same 24-hour shifts. Of course we spend a lot of time together, that's not codependent, that's just... being friends. You don't need to hide something you like doing over us being friends!"

"We're friends, Eddie, but that doesn't mean we need to spend every free second we have together," Buck insists, but the way his brow is furrowed and his bottom lip is being pulled between his teeth say he's not entirely convinced, either. "And I'm not _hiding it_ , I'm just..." His gaze dips, and his cheeks dust pink. "I don't want to seem like I'm bragging when I talk about it and the whole point is I'm meant to do it by myself but if you seemed even a little bit interested in it I would end up inviting you," he rushes out in one breath, shuffling his feet like a scolded toddler and glancing up through his eyelashes.

"I wouldn't have pushed to come along if you told me what you were doing, Buck," Eddie says warily. Buck shrugs.

"I know. But you wouldn't've had to, I, uh... I would have invited you, anyway."

"You would have invited me to the thing you took up specifically to do by yourself?" Eddie asks, unable to fight the small smile starting to pull at his lips, borne of relief as much as amusement. "That, uh... that is starting to sound a little bit codependent, man."

Buck's head snaps up in a glare, face going red. " _You're_ the one who-"

"I never said I minded," Eddie cuts in, daring to step into Buck's personal space and press careful fingers to his elbow. 

"No?" Buck's face softens in the space of milliseconds, eyes going wide and hopeful, cheeks and nose still a rosy red.

"No," Eddie confirms, fighting the urge to read too much into Buck's body language and kiss him senseless in a room-full of strangers. He settles for letting his fingers curl, cupping Buck's upper arm. "Honestly, I think I might be a little bit codependent, too. Not knowing what you've been up to has... gotten to me more than it should. So... you volunteering like this is great, I think. And you should keep doing it, as your own thing. Just... keep me in the loop. And me and Chris might drop in sometimes, too. Watch you and your kid-charming abilities at work. Yeah?"

"Yeah!" Buck is grinning now, eyes bright and gleaming, and oh, fuck, Eddie is so gone on him, and it should be a scary realization, but all he feels is giddy and light with the relief of acknowledging the inevitable.


End file.
